There is an amazing picture that my 5 year old daughter, Hailey, drew. It was of our entire family, cute little stick figures and a wonderful house. She even made sure her younger brother had a cute little blanket in the picture. It is a perfect 5 year old picture. I was blessed to be the recipient of this picture, as these pictures are usually delivered with a kiss. What stood out to me most amazingly is the care and attention given to each part of the drawing. Most people in the drawing are done with the same level of care. Her older brother Josh was drawn very small and down in the corner...maybe typical for a younger sibling wanting to put an older sibling in his place J. What is also amazingly typical is that one of the characters in the drawing was given much more attention than any other part of the drawing. Any guesses on what got the most attention? What character was most carefully drawn? Which person had the most detail and looked the best? It is not at all shocking that the best part of the drawing is the character that Hailey identified as herself! A 5 year old is very self centered, believe me, Hailey does think that the world revolves around her! The question for us becomes how much we have distanced ourselves from that 5 year old mentality. When you look in a picture, who is the first one that look at? Isn't it usually you? When judging a photograph don't we usually judge the "goodness" of the picture based on how you look? Now for pictures that might not cause major problems, but what about in our interactions with others? Now there is a place that we can do major damage or make the most significant impact in the world.
When dealing with other people always remember that the most important person in their picture is not you, it is them! The more often you remember that simple fact the more likely you will be able to have significant influence in the lives of others. The real truth is that often they don't care about you as much as they care about them. So, how do you get people to start doing the things that you would like them to do? It is actually very easy, just think about a 5 year old drawing. Leadership and influence are simply the process of providing the vision that what you would like them to do is what is best for them. They care about them, and being shown that what you want them to do will bring them the greatest satisfaction and happiness will start to light a fire that in them that will make you unable to stop them from succeeding. Now, the only concern for you is to make sure that the goals you have for people will actually bring them happiness. If the action you want them to take will only benefit you, you will find yourself with no followers. Remember they care more about themselves in the picture than you! There is no faster way to turn people off than to try and have them do things that only benefit you, pretty soon you become the small stick figure older brother stuck in the corner!
The other area of concern is in your conversation. Think back on your recent conversations. Have you spoken with someone who not only thinks that they are the most important person in their picture, but also the most important person in your picture and the picture of every other person in the room? Can you think of anything that is more of a turn off than someone who only speaks of themselves, and especially how they are so much more amazing than you are! One more time, remember that they are more important to themselves that you are! In your conversations make sure that they know that you are interested in them, even more than you are interested in yourself. When you feel like saying something about yourself, pause, and then ask them another question about themselves. As Andrew Carnegie said, "To be interesting, be interested." If you want to draw people to you, make them feel like the most important person in your drawing.
Take that challenge today. Go out and have five conversations without talking about yourself. Ask them questions. Talk about their interests. Compliment and build them up. You will have 5 great conversations and 5 people who feel like you have blessed their lives because you care about them. If you want to influence people, care about them, and soon they will be willing to follow you anywhere and do the things you ask of them, because they will know that you care about them! My daughter really is amazing and deserves to have a special picture drawn of her. How do I know that? I simply asked her!
