Have you ever wondered why...
...people you don’t like never change?

...or what you can do about that?

"You may be surprised to know that it’s a function of how our brains work and that there are some simple steps you can take to change things for the better.

Every second there are billions of pieces of information being fed into our brains through our senses. So many pieces, in fact, that our brain can’t process it all and so it has a system for filtering out information that it doesn’t think is relevant. The problem is that the definition of ‘relevance’ is based on what we have learned to date.

In the case of people, if we have already concluded that the person is devious, self serving or has some other negative characteristic then we will systematically and unconsciously screen out any information to the contrary. What’s more we will even interpret contradictory evidence to further confirm what we already believe (e.g. ‘He’s only being kind to me to get what he wants’).

As a result, what we see in the person is more and more evidence which confirms them as we have chosen to cast them. It’s not that these people don’t change it’s simply that we consistently refuse to see anything new!

The great thing about these filters is that we can change them by just deliberately looking for new or contradictory information. So, the next time you are with that difficult person in your life simply ask yourself ‘what can I see in them that doesn’t fit with my preconceptions?’. You’ll be surprised how much you’ll find!..."

Have you ever wondered why...
...leadership team members don't always get on?

"Many leadership teams don’t work effectively. As well as being frustrating many people find this surprising.

Let’s do some role play and see if it makes this a little less surprising… Imagine yourself as a leader of an organisation...

• You have set of individual performance targets.


• Your remuneration, your reputation and personal success are based on your success in delivering these targets in your own area.


• The list of targets is long and demanding and there aren’t enough hours in the day do deal with them.


• Frustratingly there are another half a dozen people in the same situation and their targets are often in conflict with yours..


• Other team members just don’t understand the issues in your department in the way that you do.


• You know that you need to understand better the constraints and issues in other areas but there are a lot of them...


• ...but there’s never enough time in meetings, and you’re trying to champion the needs of your team and can’t get a word in because everyone else is trying to do the same.


• And you know that many of the things you are dealing with are symptoms of bigger issues that you need to work on together but there never seems to be time to deal with them.


• So you fight to get the decisions you need implemented, minimize the time you spend in meetings so that you can get on and deliver in your patch...


• ...and there are half a dozen others doing the same.


• Your relationships deteriorate with each battle you fight and your suspicions about the motives of the others get more and more damning.

It doesn’t look so surprising now does it!

To break the cycle you need to do three things:

1. Ensure that each member’s success is evaluated against team goals as well as individual targets.


2. Delegate or find alternative ways of dealing with functional decisions so that you can dedicate time to dealing with the big cross functional issues.


3. Give time to relationships and keep reminding one another (and yourself!) to focus on ‘seek first to understand before seeking to be understood’. "